INSPIRE
I am such a geek for strengths assessments. Maybe it started when I was a typical teen girl flipping through a Seventeen magazine, circling answers in a quiz titled something like, “What’s Your Friendship Style?,” the kind of quiz that promised to reveal who you really were (or maybe who you wanted to be).
My professional self would say, and probably rightly so, that the seed was planted when I worked as a mechanical engineer and our department completed Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People training.
Covey’s framework for what it means to be, and become, successful was, as Covey would say, a paradigm shift. It opened my eyes to the world of leading yourself first in order to better serve others. It gave language to habits I had seen both of my parents quietly modeling in their personal and professional lives.
After many years of experience, reflection, and yes… more assessments, I’m still convinced that self-awareness is one of the most important investments a leader can make. The impact this has on our professional and personal lives is immeasurable. We each influence those around us every day, and ensuring that our impact aligns with our intentions is both elusive and essential.
One of the most surprising discoveries I’ve made on this journey toward self-awareness is that every strength casts a shadow… a darker side that can distort or overextend our best qualities if we’re not careful.
REFLECT
Any strengths assessment I’ve ever taken (okay, maybe not the ones in Seventeen magazine 😂) has told me I love coming up with new ideas—spotting patterns others might miss, connecting seemingly unrelated dots, and generating fresh solutions both on my own and with a team. Deep within me is the belief that new ideas are fun!
Over time, I’ve been blessed to see this part of my genius make a real difference. But I’ve also seen its shadow.
One moment stands out clearly. A team had been working diligently on our family engagement plan and had already met several times. With all good intentions, I popped in, curious to see how things were going and offer support if needed. As they shared their detailed plans and next steps, my idea brain started firing… and unfortunately, so did my mouth.
I walked out of that meeting knowing something had gone wrong. It took me longer than I’d like to admit to realize that my shadow had shown up. In my eagerness to make the plan better, I’d jolted a team of smart, committed colleagues out of their workflow. What might have been helpful early in the process became a frustrating distraction late in the game. Sigh.
That moment was a mirror. It reminded me how even our brightest strengths can cast a shadow. Sometimes, like in the midday sun, the shadow is short and barely noticeable—present but contained. Other times, as the light shifts, we glance back and are startled by the long, exaggerated figure following us.
That experience reminded me that shadows aren’t proof we’ve failed; they’re proof there’s light. The shadow side of a strength doesn’t cancel out the strength itself; it simply calls for awareness. To keep our light in balance, we have to understand what makes the shadow appear.
Why the Shadow Appears
- When ego eclipses purpose.
The moment we start using our strength to prove something rather than to serve something, ego takes the wheel. The energy shifts from contribution to validation. What once lifted others now subtly centers on self. - When the close enemy takes hold.
In Buddhist philosophy, every virtue has a “close enemy”—a distortion that looks similar but loses the heart of the truth. Confidence’s close enemy is arrogance. Compassion’s is pity. The same is true for strengths: vision can slip into control, empathy into enabling, decisiveness into dominance. The shadow appears when the quality we value most becomes exaggerated or detached from humility. - When we misuse a familiar tool.
Under pressure, we default to what we know best. A strength overused, out of habit, stress, or fear, can crowd out other gifts. What was once discipline becomes rigidity. A genius misused might cause avoidable turbulence. What could be creative becomes chaotic. - When we forget or undervalue interdependence.
Every strength is designed to work in collaboration and the mutual pursuit of a shared goal. When we operate as if our genius is the genius, we isolate ourselves and diminish collective intelligence. Shadows lengthen when we lead alone instead of leading alongside. - When awareness fades.
Self-awareness is the light that keeps the shadow in check. When we stop pausing for reflection, inviting feedback, or examining our motives, the shadow grows unchecked in the background.
Questions to Keep the Shadow in Check
- Am I creating space for others to contribute their genius?
- When I use this strength, am I doing it for the good of the group or to prove something?
- How do others experience this strength… does it inspire or intimidate?
- What feedback have I received (or avoided) about how this strength shows up under stress?
- Whose complementary strengths might help move this work forward and make a greater, collective impact?
AMPLIFY
Think about your genius… the natural way you are energized and contribute that energy to the world.
Now think about its shadow.
Where might your strength be overextended? Where might it need a dose of humility, otherness, or purpose?
When leaders learn to hold both their brilliance and their blind spots, they lead with authenticity, empathy, and wisdom, creating something remarkable … together.
Because the goal isn’t to eliminate the shadow. It’s to stay aware of it, learn from it, and let the light of awareness keep it in its place.
🌀 Reflection Prompt:
What’s one strength you’re most proud of? And how might its shadow be showing up in subtle ways right now?
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