🔥 5 Minutes of Leadership Fuel
✉️ This post is part of The 5-Minute Mentor — my weekly leadership newsletter. If you’d like to get it delivered straight to your inbox, click here to subscribe.
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🫶 A Dose of Inspiration
sonder: the realization and understanding that all other people have lives as complex as one’s own
— Merriam-Webster
Writer John Koenig coined the word sonder more than a decade ago in his Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows, and it has since found its way into Merriam-Webster. When Brené and Adam talked about it, they both landed on the same feeling… not sadness, but awe and wonder. I’m right there with them.
Every person on your team walks in carrying a full life… hopes, worries, quiet wins, and struggles they may never tell you. You’ll never know all of it. But remembering it’s there changes how you listen. It makes you curious. And curiosity is often the first step toward offering someone the kind of connection they actually need.
📥 Download the quote graphic to use in your next staff email or meeting.
🤓 A Dose of Learning
I try not to return to the same podcast too often, partly because I selfishly love hearing from diverse voices, and partly because I want to introduce you fab leaders to people you may not naturally come across. But I’ll have to ask for your forgiveness this week. Brené Brown and Adam Grant just released their final episode of The Curiosity Shop and anytime they sit down together, I know I’ll walk away with something for leadership and life. This was no exception. They spent the hour on Adam’s new book, Vibe, which came out last week… and I haven’t stopped thinking about it.
Adam describes the four kinds of relationships we all need:
🤝 Associates share compatible needs. The colleague who covers for you, the carpool parent, the contractor you trust. It’s practical, and that’s perfectly okay.
🎯 Allies share your goals. You’re working toward something together.
😄 Pals share your interests. You simply enjoy each other’s company.
🫶 Companions share your values. They’re the people who show up when life gets hard.
What caught my attention is this… often the hurt we feel in relationships isn’t about whether someone cares. It’s about mismatched expectations. Adam described how he once opened up to a friend about a painful loss, and the friend never brought it up again. He eventually realized that person was a wonderful pal, just not a companion. The friendship wasn’t broken. The expectation was off.
Now think about your team. Someone stops by your office after a rough day. You hear a problem, so you go straight into ally mode… ideas, next steps, resources. But maybe they needed a companion who would simply listen. Or a pal to help them laugh and reset. Adam admits his default is ally. I’d guess many of us who lead share that default. We want to help, and helping often looks like fixing.
He also talks about being close in different ways. Some of his “distant companions” are people he rarely sees but would call in a hard moment. Not every relationship has to fill every role… and there’s real freedom in that.
Brené added one more idea I loved. She described a flight home from a conference where she and another attendee talked and laughed for three hours. They haven’t spoken since, and that conversation still made her life better. Adam agreed that we undervalue moments like that because we treat them as steps toward something bigger. A meaningful interaction can matter all on its own.
That’s the ripple. Small moments of connection, generously offered, add up for the people we lead and for us.
🎧 Listen to the full episode: The Curiosity Shop: The Four Kinds of Connections We Need
🌀 A Dose of Action
Try one simple move this week. The next time someone brings you something hard, pause before you jump in… and ask what kind of support would help most right now. Do they need an ally to help solve it, a companion to listen, or a pal to help them laugh and reset? It might feel a little awkward the first time, but you’ll be surprised how much clarity one question can create.
And a few questions to reflect on:
- When did a short connection this week leave you better than it found you? And when did a small, generous connection you offered possibly brighten another’s life?
- What’s your default way of showing up… associate, ally, pal, or companion? When does it serve people well, and when might it miss the mark?
- Who on your team might need a different kind of connection than the one you usually offer?
You got this. Let’s lead with belief.
In your corner,
Melody
Founder, Culture of Belief
P.S. My new favorite comeback… 📖😂
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